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09.30.03 -

my happiness is directly proportional to the state of things between us. i am less than or equal to myself ever since this happened, at all times.

between this one telling me he understands why we lost touch [wtf is that supposed to mean?], and that one suggesting that this is my way of pushing him out of my life... not to mention other boy problems..

i just don't relate well to people. i'm either TOO much there, or NOT ENOUGH there.

i have a headache, and rather than sitting up and writing a paper, i'm going to bed. that's what i do when i don't know where i stand with people, and i'm worried they're mad at me. i hide under the covers and hope it will all blow over.

i am at a loss for what happened. this is beginning to be a pattern. nine hours ago everything was ok. and now, not?

what sucks about me is that i'm going to sleep in the hopes of waking up around 1130. my phone will be laying by my bed. and it just won't happen. and i'll wake up feeling [ arghdajkhgrheanjkwnvs ].

it's an unsolvable equation.



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