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10.08.03 - 6:07 pm

a week or so ago, i realized that if i died there would be a bunch of people from my life who would never know about it.

these people live in different states, or countries, from myself and my friends. they would be left out of the loop. i would just always be that asshole who never wrote them back. or maybe they would torture themselves wondering what the hell they said to drive me away.

it freaked me the hell out.

it made me realize that there are a bunch of people out there who *i'd* never hear from again, if they died. their moms wouldn't be raiding their rooms for address books and calling up everyone possible to share the bad news.

i might find out about it ten years later after hiring a private investigator and be all like, "damn..."

what i'm going to do is create an emergency call tree list. at the top will be sarah and jeremy because they know different sets of my friends in different ways. sarah will call brian and james, and she will also get the word out to jason. jeremy will call bill and rolf and bethany. you would think i'd have sarah tell bethany, but she's already got all this other shit to do for me. brian would be in charge of telling debbie and jonee, and then messaging marc, who would then tell girlypop.

there are some other random weirdos that i'd have to concentrate on remembering.. perhaps clean out my phone and go through old address books... i would want no one left out. the worst would be someone finding out at a party six months later. what a bummer. i'd even have my enemies alerted. maybe they'd feel bad for the ways they wronged me?

i'm pretty sure my family could cover telling my childhood friends and place of employment, etc.

it makes me realize i don't really know too many people, and especially not enough girls.

depressing...

anyway, this is seriously something i want taken care of. i will be drawing up a schematic shortly and passing them out.

and seriously, it's not cool for you to not do your part and call the person on the list below you. i need all of you for this to work. it rests in your hands, friends.

*****

in other news, i fucking slaughtered a sociology test i didn't study for today. it was something like 15 essay questions and when i saw all these fools turning it in after a half hour of testing i knew how well i was doing.

school really depresses me a lot. i don't have classes with anyone i know, and so much time is spent on homework. all for what? it's so isolating. i have one, maybe two friends that live in the same damn city with me.

yaso was writing about perspective, which i can totally understand. but fuck it. loneliness and isolation is some depressing shit. people need other humans around to feel complete.

this is just going to be a bad three months, and the sooner i'm ok with that the better. just get through this quarter, and life will be good.

i'm still really happy in general, still in love with loving.

tonite is a REALLY good night to watch "almost famous".

*****

walrus day is just reason #482 why i love job.

 

 

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