11.21.03 - 1:51 am
i've always wanted to be an insomniac. i would get so much more accomplished. my body has always been desperately sleepy as long as i can remember; just thinking about my bed makes my eyelids droopy... and the minute my head hits the pillow i'm out cold, without fail.
i wish i could stay awake, man.
i saw a show that *moved* me tonight.
explosions in the sky is fucking byuuuu-tiful.
how are you supposed to know when you *really* like someone, and when you just think you *might*?
i got a copy of my highschool transcript today and discovered 1) i didn't do as poorly as i remembered but 2) i still did unforgivably awful. i never failed a class, but there was at least one "D" per year. that's inexcusable.
i wish i could do it over. imagine what i could've learned if i had cared or understood what my potential was. i honest-to-god thought i was *stupid* and worthless.
so it looks like i'm applying to four schools on the west coast and 2 in chicagoland. it would make things so much easier if i just don't get into the university of california. i mean, i hate the midwest and winter in the midwest, in particular. i'm sick of seeing people i "know".
my heart is all full of love and i'm starting to feel the tug of heartstrings.
i would miss much more than i let onto myself if i did leave.
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