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12.01.03 - 10:40 am

buckle up, and let me bring you up to speed.

the last week = one of the busiest of my life. it may have been a four day weekend, but there was approximately two hours i had unplanned and all to myself. consequently, i got precious little sleep.

and by precious little, i mean 4-6 hours in three days.

which would normally be no problem, except i worked 9 hour shifts both friday and saturday. yesterday i spent holed up inside writing a stunning research paper that i had the entire term to do.

saturday night i came home from the shittiest day at work ever, and the prospect of driving ON THE HIGHWAY on ONE hour of sleep from the night before out to sarah's birthday party just didn't sound sane.

i fell asleep at 6pm and woke up sunday at 8am. twas glorious.

as for thanksgiving, it was the most special holiday i've ever had. i did the typical family dinner where my family continually made me question how we could possibly be related. obnoxious fuckers.

then i drove out to james' apartment, where i met his parents for the first time. our friends kyle and mat were out from michigan and nyc, respectively, and along with james they cooked up the most fantasmagoric meal EVER.

aaron's pumpkin soup was outstanding [and i don't like pumpkin anything]. mat's turkey was better than my aunt's turkey. kyle mashed those potatoes so creamily that i almost cried. everyone brought such amazing deserts.

i don't believe that your family is necessarily the group of people you're related to by blood; you make your own family. and for once, i felt like i was part of one.

james' little brother, jeremy, drank an entire bottle of whiskey by himself and became so incoherent we almost rushed him to the emergency room to have his stomach pumped. at one point he stumbled into the corner of james' living room, dropped trow, squatted, and nearly defecated on the floor. it sounds horrifying, but i assure you it was hilarious. he made up his own language. "i may be drunk, but i'm NOT klink." we stayed up with him till 5am to make sure he didn't slip into a coma. he'll never live it down.

and you know, i love my kyle. i really do. but friday night, i almost had to punch his teeth in.

i brought ben, shannon, and kevin to meet my chicago/michiganers and made the 'mistake' of giving kyle a hard time about wearing a saddle creek shirt.

anyone else i wouldn't have minded, but kyle is just SO fucking annoying about certain bands. he's the one who told me conor is the next kurt cobain ["he's going to revolutionize music. he's my biggest inspiration!" shutthefuckup.]

now he's all crazy about explosions in the sky, who i also love. but he makes a point of telling EVERYONE how *intense* their show was when their bassist was so overcome with emotion that he lost it towards the end of the show and began sobbing. puh-leeeeeze. you hear that story enough times, and you'd want to punch him, too.

so i razzed him a bit about the saddle creek shirt. i told him that although krecs is my favourite label, i would never wear a tshirt advertising it. it's a step beyond wearing a band tshirt -- that's ok in my book. wearing a label's shirt is like saying, "i love every single band on this label." i dunno, it just irked me.

so i made fun of him, and he took SERIOUS offense. "laura, you disappoint me. you obviously don't understand what these people mean to me and i think that's really sad."

i walked away from him, but he was glaring at me with this eat-shit-and-die grin. because we had so many people there and i didn't want there to be any conflict, i tried to talk to him about it. i even f-ing apologized, but it only made things worse. kyle's not a talker, apparently.

he told me point blank that his night had been ruined. my reaction? just go fucking die. get away from me. your night is ruined? gimme a fucking break. seriously, die.

no tears were shed when james told me they were all just gonna go home because of the bad vibes in the air.

shannon, kevin, ben, and i went on a double date to the green mill. i'd never been there before, and can i just say that although i don't like jazz music on cd.. LIVE, it's amazing.

seeing kevin and shannon snuggling in a booth warmed my heart. to be honest, i couldn't picture the two of them as a couple since i know them both separately and independently.

after one kahlua and cream, i was effectively drunk. i have no idea how it happened, because i didn't even *feel* drunk. i was apparently just behaving super sillilly without realizing it.

at 2am we left to have a golden nugget breakfast, and while there i realized that uhmmm... yes, things are very good. i am able to be super ridiculous and goofy around him [read: myself]. finally. i had lost myself for such a long time. say whatever shitty things you/i want to about phil, but he brought out the inner goofball in everyone. since i lost touch with him, i've been a lot more serious than i really am. that's over with. no more supercool facades to deal with. just silly smooth sailing.

speaking of phil, there was a note on my car this morning that reeked of him. what throws me off is that i stayed in dekalb last night, and i don't know what the hell he'd be doing there. it said,

"i escapaded again! bonjour! je n'en ai pas no loss. (sorry, my french is a oui bit rusty!) ba dum!! lots of squooshy hugz!! -moi"

tell me that's not phil -- that's him goddammit. but 1) why would he even leave me a note? and 2) why would he be nice to me?

it creeps me out. will he ever just go away?

after writing my paper all day yesterday, i got a call this morning that my sociology class is cancelled all week due to my decrepit teacher being in the hospital.

i called my school back and asked if he's ok, but they didn't know.

what bothers me is that the jerkfucks in my class are probably thrilled to death to have an extra week to do their paper. they're thinking it's a miracle, a gift from gawd. and sure, it's nice to have a complete and total day off as well as have some extra time to tweak my paper.... but dr. russell is fragile, and i feel like i should go visit him at the hospital.

he and i have an understanding of sorts. nevermind.

*****

if i were a rock n' roll band, i would be the moldy peaches. hands down, no question.

never before have i heard a band and thought, "this is exactly what my music would sound like if i made music.". they're completely ridiculous and completely brilliant and man, why am i *always* the last person to find out about great bands?

the best part is that kimya is on diaryland, so i get to pretend we're friends and not just soul mates ;)

*****

i don't mean to be tacky or hypocritical or overly sentimental... but damn. my body is telling me things i don't want to hear. there are moments i feel warm and helpless that i'd never trade.

it's like when angela tells brian that sharon needed his specific company, because of certain ways... that he is.

"it doesn't work with just anyone."

*****

remember the dirty moustache mullet from party dream who opened up for the rapture? the one that ben said he'd doubleteam with me? sure you do.

here's ultimate donny in all his glory!!!

*shiver*

"i don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you."

 

 

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