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12.08.03 - 10:30 pm

1. i didn't have sociology again today, because my teacher who went into the hospital has now slipped into a coma due to cancer complications or something. this means there is no final. it also means that we turn in our mega research paper in two days [as opposed to one week ago, when it was due], and that our 'sub' teacher is giving us whichever grade we tell him we deserve. i won't begin to talk about what bullshit that is. there are approximately three people in that class who deserve an A, and i am one of them. i'm visiting my teacher in the hospital this week if i can find out where he is...

2. i am in a relationship with someone who is SO overwhelmingly nice to me i don't know what to do. he finished the biographical sketch on me for his class and he read it over the phone. i was in awe; it's tender and funny and loving and sweet and i don't know how i ended up with someone like this. he's the sort of boyfriend little girls dream about. so incredibly attentive and adoring. and the list of quirky and obscure similiarities is ever-increasing.

3. i met so many good people this weekend. to say i'm glad i relinquished the role of painfully awkward social retard is an understatement. you should see me around strangers now... cool as a cucumber. even before the first drink kicks in. ben played a show on friday and yeah.. i'm not into being one of those gals who's overly "rah-rah" about her boy's band, but he was good. their music could best be described as "screamo", hate that term though i do, and thus i'm not really a fan of how they sound. he, however, played very well. his three friends clicked with me immediately [who knew that radiohead was right all these years. meeting people IS easy] and they're, well, hilarious. which makes sense given the person we all have in common.

4. philips jeffrey was at ben's show -- i have no idea why or how. he was there on a pseudo-date, but still found it acceptable to send his ladyfriend over as a messenger with a note that said "i <3 you". as if me shooting him a "fuck you, stay away" glare wasn't obvious enough, he saw it fit to come over and say hi. he did the squinty eyed smile and tried to get me to go outside to talk alone. he's an english major now at niu [the perfect irony of that still has me cackling] and still leeches off the benefaction of his parents. he met ben briefly, but chose to act cool and defensive when ben tried to engage him in conversation. i'm too nice to tell someone to drop dead, but my facial expressions aren't. at least hopefully that's what he got out of it. ben kissed me on my way to the kitchen at some point, and phil disappeared after that. i maintain my wish that he get hit by a car tomorrow. how someone can magically forget all of their shitty, shitty past actions is beyond me. he's the only piece of human garbage i know. no one has ever, EVER disrespected me or treated me as horribly as that fuckup. do the world a favor and die.

5. i finally met my friendster from pennsylvania, sean. i know i know, friendster is evil. but dude, i wouldn't give up knowing any of the people i've met from there face-to-face. he's out here visiting some friends and i met up with them on saturday night for a few parties. not only are they all amazingly nice, but they're fucking smart and hilarious. last night we all went to the green mill for the poetry slam, and shannon and kevin gary showed up later. i guess i was expecting the poetry to be third-rate and pretentious, but it was inspiring and smart and funny and.. good. appropriate adjectives are obviously escaping me tonite. it made me want to start writing again, and it definitely made me want to go back there again and again and again. afterwards, we went to sean's friends' apartment and played a rousing game of pictionary. my crowning moment was guessing "propaghanda film" from a drawing of a swastica and a film reel. my god how i love drawing games.

6. kahlua and cream, dude. best drink ever.

7. adam, alex and i are taking a trip to a foreign land in the near future, so this week i have to renew the hell out of my passport. words cannot describe my excitement over this. they went to apply for their passports today. it's all happening.

8. dear you,

i want to geniunely thank you for everything you've taught me. we agreed long ago that everyone who comes into your life does so to serve a purpose and teach you things about yourself. we were never in love, but you taught me that it's *ok* to love... that it's beautiful to love.. even if you're not loved back. ESPECIALLY if you're not. without knowing you, i would never be where i am right now.

everything happens for a reason; i've always said so. thank you for being you and for sharing a fraction of your heart with me. i'll never forget it.

all my love,


9. tomorrow i'm going to the sears tower for the first time ever. i've only lived in chicagoland for 13 years.

10. my new pal, jody, has the set of twin peaks videos that we rented from hollywood video all those years ago. this is incredible, as i've never met ANYONE who owned both season one AND season two. i just have the measly dvd set [or actually, brian still has it...] *i* own a copy of the pilot, so it's settled. SHE is gonna have a twin peaks party -- it's been a long time in the planning. for serious. i'm psyched!

there was more, but now i forget, and 10 is a good number to end on.

ps can explosions in the sky please stop being the new "it band" that all the indy-cred fucks are talking about. i mean, seriously. it's always someone.

pps sometimes i wish you were the person you were when i met you. when i compare who you are vs. who you were, i still love you.. i just sort of want to vomit a little bit.

ppss last night we didn't go to sleep until we sang the entire pinkerton album together. oh, it's love alright. ;)



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