04.11.04 - 4:51 pm
you have defined for me what a best friend is and does. you are one of the most selfless, sweet, honest, and loving people i've known. to think it would've been so easy for us to never to have met scares me. you are the first person in *years* i have felt this comfortable around. although i do find it difficult to show affection and verbalize my feelings, i hope you know that i do love you very much, and that my life would be so so much darker without you in it. you are the best.
yesterday i couldn't stop thinking about you. someone made a comment about me 'hating' you, and i felt this overwhelming need to defend you and emphasize what a good, sweet person you are. i was remembering the day i met you, how you seemed to be from another planet. for all the things about you that i let annoy me, i am fully aware that there are still many things i love about you. people often need to put large amounts of time and space between each other before they are able to let things come full circle. you are one of the few i'm hoping that happens with. for my part, i truly am sorry. i would tell you to your face if i thought you'd believe me.
it is amazing to me how sad some people are. your cattiness, callousness and pride will catch up with you some day, and you'll find yourself all alone. you are a thoroughly rotten apple; i've yet to find one redeeming quality. when you build your entire life around lies, and the judging and gossiping of other people, everyone implicitly knows that you are just a sad, sad person. i've never done a thing to you, let alone spoken three words to you. stop being a moron for one second of your life and shut the fuck up about people who you don't matter to.
i had a dream about you the other night. i was at a huge party, and i noticed you across the room. i knew as long as we ignored one another, everything would be fine. then i saw you conversing with the group of people i came with. and then you strode over to me and asked me very matter-of-factly what my favorite dessert was. i got some sort of weird sense that this was your weirdo way of waving a white flag at me, but you looked at me as if my answer was life or death important. i was so thrown off that i stammered about, trying to remember ANY dessert i enjoyed. then something happened (i don't know what) that diverted your attention and you lost interest in my response. in real life we couldn't be more different, and we used to think we had so much in common. i want to say nice things about and to you, but none come to mind. we exist in two entirely different universes. i wish we could find a happy medium, but history repeats itself for a reason.
and the only thing i'm going to say about you is that you badmouth me for things you should really be thanking me for. i have no regrets about the way things happened. wake up, joker: if not for me, you never would have had the initiative or opportunity to get off your ass and do something you've only dreamt of doing. please do me a favor and die if you wanna keep this up.
you never heard the bad things i said about you, but i'd like to apologize to you regardless. i was being a judgemental prick, and i should have known better. i didn't fully appreciate your situation or give you a fair shot. when he sang "hold on", i really understood and i felt awful, in that i-wanna-change-my-life-and-become-a-better-person-way. he was the first thing we had in common, and that says something about *us* as people. people as sweet as you need to be taken care of.
i love you. and that's all you need to know.
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