07.26.04 - 1:09 am
there comes a time when you have to ask yourself if leaving work every shift more mentally and physically fatigued than you could ever have imagined is worth the heavy wad of cash in your pocket.
i just don't know.
this job might be the death of me several months down the road.
and all's i know is that i just want to feel settled. i have exactly what i've been wanting at this very minute, and i'm still not satisfied.
on the contrary, i'm actually sad.
we're talking about someone i have at different times wanted to gut 6 ways before, as well as someone whom i love.
in 24 hours i will have a lot of questions answered for myself. there's nothing like seeing someone you have intense feelings for and not being able to do anything about it but both being conscious of said feelings.
and i think that everything's going to be alright.
and i think that letting things go and giving people the benefit of the doubt is a beautiful thing.
i got a message tonite from someone who was the most important person in my life for more than six years. i am so, well, overjoyed at the possibilities this presents.
and i don't expect anyone to really understand, or even consent to what's going on here. and that's ok.
good and bad, there are lots and lots of feelings flying around inside this little soul of mine. it feels nice.