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12.29.04 - 10:04 pm

the old space heater conked out the other day so i had to go buy a new one tonite. yes, despite the fact that the temperature has awesomely decided to soar from a daily high of 11 degrees F to 48.

it's a preemptive strike against the bitter january cold i am anticipating in several weeks. we keep the apartment a balmy 75 to 80 degrees at all times, and this by god will include my icebox of a bedroom.

i got my second paycheck today from the new (aka SECOND) job. 600 and something dollars. that spells all kinds of debt relief (or a gigantic first step thereof). my 60 hour work weeks suddenly are beginning to pay off in a major way.

i'm thinking new years this year will be just plain fun, which will be nice for a change. the theme for my new years last year was: catharsis.

it was all about the emotional cleanse and letting go and moving on. rough stuff.

this year it's all about getting extremely tipsy and dancing like nobody's watching (and really, do i ever dance any other way? i'm cursed in the dancing department) and being deliriously happy.

tomorrow is brian's 28th birthday, and i feel like my god if i don't contact him now i never will.

when we were dating, we didn't even spend new years together. or valentine's day, for that matter. the more i think about that relationship the more i'm forcing to concede how fundamentally abnormal it was. we were entrenched in some majorly supercilious shit right there, man.

regardless, i miss him from time to time and would like us to be pals. we'll see... i have some major apologizing to do...

after giving the pep talk shannon gave me the other day a lot of consideration, i've decided that she's right on many counts (i HAVE lost myself and changed for the worse) and i have to stop all this namby pamby shit.

see i pretend that no one can get to me, and then when i let someone get to me i'm convinced from the get-go that they'll leave me sooner than later in a gutter on the side of the road with my heart bleeding off my palm.

it's all garbage, and i'm dealing with it on a day to day basis. i'm all about little personal affirmations now. not really in the "self-help book" way.. more in the "knock it off, dummy" way.

so, i've decided to reclaim myself and bust out the coveralls and become an intsy bintsy bit less obsessed by all things pertaining to him-and-it.

bon soir!



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