01.16.05 - 4:18 pm
lather. rinse. repeat.
i have the hardest time making the relationships in my life find an equilibrium.
this morning we three went out to breakfast and it was the lovliest thing seeing the two funniest people i know making one another laugh convulsively.
today during our aftertoon nappie he asked me to have dinner at his parents' house next sunday.
and i'll admit, it's a pretty banal, rudimentary part of the whole courting process... but it still made me hopelessly excited, him asking.
our "office" party last night was a resounding success, mostly because so many people showed up, AND got along with everyone else, AND didn't urinate on our porch.
i was especially excited about my BB friends who came. the first four months i worked there were bearable only because of the money. now, i look forward like hell to going to work, just so i can see their goofy faces.
i need to spend more time with those crazies.
and i gracefully managed to get so drunk i lost control of my facial muscles approximately 3 episodes in, after one piņa colada and a vodka cranberry [which apparently has lost its power to render me ill by its very scent!!!].
the thing i remember most about last night was the laughter: from all rooms of the apartment, in every corner. people drinkin' and being merry. one of the best parties we've ever had. hands down.
i'm the type'a person who wants everything to always be ok between people. and i do hate the conflict, but am usually willing to just buckle down and deal with it for the greater good of the relationship.
but throwing internal hissy fits and silently damning me is fucking retarded, and i can tell everytime you do it. i just don't care.
it doesn't make me want to regain your favor, it makes me want to avoid you like the plague.
if you ever want to talk, i'll listen.
but i no longer play my part in any stupid unspoken melodrama.
you are so completely snowed. i don't know how it happened or how to stop it.
my only hope is that one day you'll wake up, break up, call me, and i'll pick you up and we'll go out for milkshakes and you'll stare out the window, bemused by your folly and i'll be there to shake my head and smile at you and say, "bitch, you knew what her fucking name was. what did you expect?"
i will win you in the end. i always do.