01.28.05 - 7:38 pm
it's always weird when these things are so right on!
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i was reading this thing that i'm pretty sure i shouldn't have been reading... and let me explain why it's made me so incredibly sad:
obviously, the entry is about e. now, everyone knows that mr. boxcutter is a card-carrying logophile [and god help me, that is one of the first reasons he and i fell in friend-love], but in this particular entry he was able to articulate his feelings about e. in a way so as to pinpoint EXACTLY how we ALL feel about what happened.
i have been totally incapable of recording my exact feelings, and i'm sure he wrote that entry effortlessly in under 10 minutes.
so there is that, there is the off/on feelings of sadness about em.
more importantly, he speaks about the people he met because of em. *i* am one of those people.
in fact, i was one of the first people emmett introduced him to.
i was certainly the first person to become a close friend of his.
boxcutter speaks of the people he now loves because of em-intervention...
i just miss this person so terribly, all the time. i have no way to get him back. we live so far away and substances constantly cloud his mind and he has a serious girlfriend and all i want -- ALL I WANT -- is another one of our late night giggle-fests over homemade peppermint-mocha cappucinos made with green hershey's syrup.
i want to say that i, in fact, have never missed a person this much before. because i've always felt missed back, on some level.
and i'm quite certain that i'm never in his thoughts. he hasn't called me on his own, out of the blue, in almost a year.
but for the record, i love the HELL out of HIM.
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tonite:
j. and i are going to the ultimate milkshake shop of all time.
he will order a large vanilla shake and i will gleefully watch his face light up when it's delivered.
he will be the happiest boy in chicago.
amen.
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