08.18.03 -
i am seriously thinking about changing my first name to "thinkthricebeforeyouspeakyoufuckingmoron". i hope they don't charge you by the letter.
i've had an entire day of hitting my forehead with the palm of my hand and making noises. it's uncontrollable. i should tattoo "shut up" onto the backs of my hands. i need to learn how to keep my goddamn mouth shut.
i made the mistake of telling someone else about my, erm, problem. halfway through i had to stop myself. if it sounded incredibly stupid to me, the storyteller, it had to sound doubly so to someone else.
i mean really, what did i think i was doing? does this look like a drew barrymore movie to you?
me neither.
*****
brian jonestown is tomorrow. thank god. i have been needing a new and amazing show to take my mind off... things.
tonite i go to bed early for an entirely different reason from yesterday. this time, i'm scared to wake up at all.
*****
that dog that came in the other day.. he died. i saw the chart in the "sympathy card" pile and almost let myself get really upset. the exact same things that happened to my angels happened to flop. his owners opted to put him down. it sounds so much easier than it is.
i feel the need to write a detailed letter to them explaining certain things, but i know it'd be out of line and ultimately would do no good.
i wouldn't be saying anything they'd be wanting to hear.
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