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04.21.05 - 1:58 am

my room is infested with ants.

i woke up the other morning and my legs itched uncontrollably. by sundown i realized my thoughtless scratching at the itches had thickened a multitude of bug bites on my legs into dime-sized welts.

i found zillions of black insects crawling around my floor and in my bed. with the help of google, i diagnosed the problem to be one of bed bugs.

turns out, it's only ants. tiny, evil, biting little piece of shit ants. i have to eliminate anything "sweet-smelling" from my room.

and i'm sleeping on the couch.

jeremy, the angel of love that he is, offered to let me sleep at his house until the bug problem is gone. he said it's "be his pleasure" having me.

my goal is to have the problem under wraps by the end of the weekend.

i am so tired and itchy, and i can't wait until my 4 [four!!!] days off starting saturday.


i keep wanting to write something else about him... right now, right at this moment. nothing comes out right.

i need him. i love him. i would marry him tomorrow if the alternative was breaking up and never seeing him again. it's crazy, and it's sick. but he makes everything so easy. he's so thoughtful. and affectionate. and supportive. and fun. and brilliant. and FUNNY. and handsome.

and lovely.

it makes me realize how any of those other times i called it 'love', it wasn't. not even close.

i spent a good deal of time convinced that no one could ever know FOR SURE that they were in love with someone else.

funny thing is, when it's love there no question whatsoever about what is happening. there's no other possible explanation or word. love is self-evident.

this will never stop.



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